Telephone Romance

My cell phone rang to wake me up from my evening nap. It seemed like an international call and I answered it.

A very non-familiar male voice asked me “how are you Sheila”?
I replied in a business like manner “please may I know who is on the line”?
The male voice chuckled “your dream boy”.
I said, "I don't dream much and my dreams don recur so I am afraid I really can’t figure out who my dream boy is".
The guy said "Hey this is Akshay".
I asked, “Which Akshay”?
Akshay said, “How many Akshays do you know”?
I replied, "One is Akshay Kumar and the other is Akshay Khanna. Your voice does not sound like anyone of them. Hey why are you wasting my time can’t you tell me who you are."

He said, "Hey come on this is Amit". I screeched with excitement, "Ooooooooooooooooo Amit tell me that baby that it is you. When are you coming to India? I am just waiting for you and do lots of shopping. I haven’t taken a penny from a guy, now I am going to loot you."

Amit said “aaaa Well Shiela, we will not go for shopping, we will go for a long drive when I come to India".
My spirit dampened, I sighed, “Okay, first come to India then we can see what can be done”.

Amit said “Hey but I need to tell you that I am a divorcee."
I was shocked, I said, “You never told me that in the last four years, what were you doing you ass****?"
Amit sounded sombre and stuttered, “Well well well it just...kind of happened”.
I was taken aback and in my mind I said “Huh now bear it” and I sent him an SMS “tumharein baatho pe kabhi bhi nahi aana chaiey” (nobody should believe in what you say)and rushed off to shopping with my roomie, Divs.

We tried hipsters and tops at the Lifestyle. When we returned home we were hungry. After dinner we switched on the TV to watch Rahul Mahajan's bride selection. There were 5 missed calls on my cell and all from the same number, Amit’s number. Finally after 11 pm my phone rang again and a woman with US accent introduced herself as Annie, alias Annapurna.

Then she inquired, “Hey did you send this message to my guy?
I said “which message?”
She read out in her US accent “Tumharein baatho pe kabhi bhi nahi aana chaiey”.
I said, “yes”.
She volleyed with the questions: Did you mean “one should not come to your bath ever”? Why do you say so? How long do you know him and do you have any relationship with him?”

Her strange accent made it difficult to hold back my laughter. I said, “yes I had written it and Amit and I were classmates at school and by the way he has a disease that is LYING so one should not go to bath with him. Good night and please do not call on this number ever if you don't have better things to talk”. I had already put her on the speaker and Divs was already giggling on overhearing the conversation. After I had cut the call Divs and I roared with laughter...

DISCLAIMER:Please note all the characters in this Blog are fictitious. Life is a pattern and the author captures it with her own imagination. So if any reader finds any similarity with the characters mentioned in this Blog are requested to ignore.