You are lucky my darling

This pretty girl whom I had met recently is a new acquaintance of mine. She is a lovely lady with the bounty of nature and naturally her boyfriend had tough time driving without groping her. He focused on her teeth and pretended to find some dirt on it. I felt awkward at his behaviour.

She coaxed him to drop me at Honda Chowk which was a bit far from his destination. I said I would like to be dropped at a place where it is convenient to stop his car. But he like any other driver told me unpleasant stories about Gurgaon and that I would have to go through the daily embarrassment of requesting a cab-drivers to take me to my destination.

I said, "I am from Kolkata. In our city we travel sitting next to an auto driver and travelling in a local transport is a common affair." My pretty friend in a nagging tone said "Do you know dear she has set a cooler in her room instead of an AC, she does not know how hot Delhi is?"

Her boyfriend gently held her smooth round spotless chin in his hand and cooed to her "darling you are lucky, you have not seen the world".

She yelped out in pleasure "please buy some chilled water dear".

The car entered Udyog Vihar Phase V, and I said if I could be dropped there. He said he would drop me at the right place and asked me where I was going for an interview and that what did I do and what has been my last drawn salary etc. I gave him a very measured smile and said, "Confidential" and that I would be embarrassed to talk about my salary details.

His hairless head and a stubbed nose was no match for the pretty babe next to him but ofcourse he has the money to buy the hot babe. He dropped me at Shankar Chowk and was reluctant to tell me that those eight seaters were my mode of conveyance in this land of uncouth people.

I got into one 8-seater and there was one pretty babe and her mom, and they identified me to be a Bong. After a brief chat they got down and I got down at IFFCO Chowk.

The dumb auto driver thought he was intelligent enough but not correct in considering me to be a Keralite (Malayali). I got down paying him the fare. He was generous enough to take 4 rupees when I said I don't have 5 rupees. However, after digging into my bag I found a five rupee coin and handed it over to him.

Then, I started looking for an auto or a cab and I started bargaining with autowallahs to drop me at Honda Chowk. One autowallah asked 100, I said 60, then he said 70 but I stuck to my point.

Then a young chap comes up and says "Madam give 100 rupees", I said "no". He said, "you will not have to worry at all, I will drop you just right in front of the company you want to go". I agreed because that was a totally unknown place for me and he sounded genuine. I would call this attitude of his a perfect business acumen.

He drove me through the hot blasts of wind. I felt as if I was seated in a big baking oven. The auto driver was a very decent guy - he talked less but when he spoke, he spoke politely. He asked me for the address once again when he reached some place and looking around once again, he stopped to dropped me at the right place. The drive being a hassle-free one I gave him his money without any grudge.

Krishna's Friend

On weekends, I take my afternoon nap and this has become my usual weekend routine in Bangalore, which I feel is a sleepy city.

The city was gripped with the fear of swine flu. I caught fever and fell into half-sleep-half-awake state but I would not call it a trance and I glided back into my past.

I am a typically brown woman with North Indian traits. I fell in love with Jeeves, amidst the crowd of students in the campus. I wore glasses and so did Jeeves. We cursed our glasses after dancing with the wrong partners on the DJ nite. We were highly sociable creatures and could spot each other only when the population around have either left for the library, hostel, bushes or the lake.

Our shortsightedness (glasses) kept our morality high, chemistry low, because we could see nothing in darkness and sat under the street lamps. Vidyasagar used to read under street lamps but under the lamp-post we whiled our time courting each other.

Jeeves liked mallu (Malayali) dames, so I remained on the sidelines. Listening to his likening for coffee-coloured/dusky girls my heart bled with pain more than my nose bled due to summer heat.

A chill woke me up and I started sneezing. I counted my sneezes and rushed to the nearby clinic and waited for the doc to inspect me. There was a corporate-looking guy sitting with his mom in the clinic. I sat in the clinic like a dejected poodle.

The corporate guy with his acquiline nose looked at me, read my face and gave a gentle smile. I felt good and like a grateful cute little poodle I ran towards to him. Through his lenses, he espied my fear and said in an assuring tone, “U seemed to be a bit scared…What happened? I see you have come...You should not come to clinics alone”.

I kept mum, while the corporate guy talked and talked. The guy felt an urge to make me feel happy and made efforts to elicit atleast the monosyllables, “yes/no” out of me. Away from home I was feeling like a lost dog with no one to care for me. I felt cosy in his kind words. I asked him, "who are you?" He said, "I am Krishna's friend". I kept staring at him for two minutes and then I turned my face and laid my head on the table in front of me.

When my turn came to consult the physician, I checked in, the doctor assured me that my case was normal and that there was no reason to panic. After I came out, paid the cash at the counter and looked around to thank the good Samaritan, I found he and his mom were not there.

Telephone Romance

My cell phone rang to wake me up from my evening nap. It seemed like an international call and I answered it.

A very non-familiar male voice asked me “how are you Sheila”?
I replied in a business like manner “please may I know who is on the line”?
The male voice chuckled “your dream boy”.
I said, "I don't dream much and my dreams don recur so I am afraid I really can’t figure out who my dream boy is".
The guy said "Hey this is Akshay".
I asked, “Which Akshay”?
Akshay said, “How many Akshays do you know”?
I replied, "One is Akshay Kumar and the other is Akshay Khanna. Your voice does not sound like anyone of them. Hey why are you wasting my time can’t you tell me who you are."

He said, "Hey come on this is Amit". I screeched with excitement, "Ooooooooooooooooo Amit tell me that baby that it is you. When are you coming to India? I am just waiting for you and do lots of shopping. I haven’t taken a penny from a guy, now I am going to loot you."

Amit said “aaaa Well Shiela, we will not go for shopping, we will go for a long drive when I come to India".
My spirit dampened, I sighed, “Okay, first come to India then we can see what can be done”.

Amit said “Hey but I need to tell you that I am a divorcee."
I was shocked, I said, “You never told me that in the last four years, what were you doing you ass****?"
Amit sounded sombre and stuttered, “Well well well it just...kind of happened”.
I was taken aback and in my mind I said “Huh now bear it” and I sent him an SMS “tumharein baatho pe kabhi bhi nahi aana chaiey” (nobody should believe in what you say)and rushed off to shopping with my roomie, Divs.

We tried hipsters and tops at the Lifestyle. When we returned home we were hungry. After dinner we switched on the TV to watch Rahul Mahajan's bride selection. There were 5 missed calls on my cell and all from the same number, Amit’s number. Finally after 11 pm my phone rang again and a woman with US accent introduced herself as Annie, alias Annapurna.

Then she inquired, “Hey did you send this message to my guy?
I said “which message?”
She read out in her US accent “Tumharein baatho pe kabhi bhi nahi aana chaiey”.
I said, “yes”.
She volleyed with the questions: Did you mean “one should not come to your bath ever”? Why do you say so? How long do you know him and do you have any relationship with him?”

Her strange accent made it difficult to hold back my laughter. I said, “yes I had written it and Amit and I were classmates at school and by the way he has a disease that is LYING so one should not go to bath with him. Good night and please do not call on this number ever if you don't have better things to talk”. I had already put her on the speaker and Divs was already giggling on overhearing the conversation. After I had cut the call Divs and I roared with laughter...

DISCLAIMER:Please note all the characters in this Blog are fictitious. Life is a pattern and the author captures it with her own imagination. So if any reader finds any similarity with the characters mentioned in this Blog are requested to ignore.

My Valentine

By the way I have already fixed my date, it's Valentine's day coming and I am all set for dating; I have thought a gift for myself too.”

The girls were curious and they jumped up from their seats and united in their curiosity asked, “Tell us who is the guy?” I said, “All of you know him.”

Never did I see two people from two different places, without knowing each other were so united in satisfying their curiosity.

Together they said, “No, you did not tell us”. I said “Krishna, yaar, Krishna”.

They asked “He is from?” I said “Rajajinagar, West of Chord Road”

They said, “How old is the affair?” I said, “It’s a recent fling, I have promised a date with him on 14th”.

Madhu asked, “Is he a techie?” I said “No, the topmost Consultant”

Both of them grinned “We know he is very rich”. I said he is “His company has branches all over the globe and he has rich investors.

They asked, “which company?” I said, “India-based global company, “International School of Cognitive Knowledge on Nothingness” alias Isckon temple”. I am walking down to His place, the Isckon temple and then treat myself to the good food there.

“What you have been fooling us…you bitch” and the duo fell upon me and hit me with the pillows. Now girls you better get back to your places as I have lot of work to do.

My trial walk to Isckon, last Saturday, has left in me not even one ounce of energy. My body has undergone such exhaustion in that 14-16 km walk that I guess I will have to be content talking to Krishna in my dreams. But something inside says “You never know”.

New Year Eve

Keerty, my friend, is a very pretty woman from Delhi, she wears green nailpolish on her fingers and loves wearing raging colours which can keep you gaping at her for sometime. Keerty and I always try to meet on weekends. It was on one Saturday that we ordered for neer dosa and chicken sukka (mangalorean food) and as we ate we chatted. Madhu had joined us from our adjacent room. Madhu made some tea for us and we rose to sit up and sip tea.

In the morning of New year eve, there was a missed call on Keerty's fan. She called back on the number and from the other side rang the magnetic voice of Raj. Raj asked her “ I am Raj, can we meet up in the evening if you don’t mind?” She was shocked but was a bit intrigued on the New Year's Eve and wanted to have some fun. She said, introduce yourself “Well I am a student of Yale doing PhD. What more information do you want?” Keerty said “Please get your Passport and university ID as well”.

Raj is a brilliant economist and was bored sitting alone in his room. He had come to Bangalore for his field research from Yale university. For the past few days he had been just randomly dialing numbers to date a woman and the fifth time the number was Keerty’s.

She asked him to meet her near Dairy Circle around 6pm and sharp at 6pm she rushed down the stairs and took a rick till the Dairy Circle. Raj called her up and directed her to his Black Ford Fiesta. Raj is a lean but muscular guy. Madhu giggled, she commented, “Shahid Kapoor”?

Raj drove her towards Banshankari, and parked the car inside a lane. While they walked down the streets they shared their previous New Year Eve stories. They laughed together and cracked jokes against each other. There was magic in the relationship, they never saw each other, never knew each other but an instantaneous bond was created, something like that brought Rishi Kapoor and Meenakshi Sheshadri together in the film Damini.

Keerty was so excited, she said “I wanna burn your money?” Raj thought for a minute and said “As you wish?” She got into Bangalore Central, scanned through all the stores she wanted to visit but she could not zero upon anything. It was 8.10 pm, she was feeling hungry and tired. She said “I am a bit confused, I donno what to buy.” Raj said “Well can I take the lead now? I would suggest dinner now."

They entered into a nearby restaurant. He was a teetotaler and a vegetarian, ordered paneer 65 and veg noodles. Keerty ordered chicken soup, and chicken Manchurian and tanduri roti.” He asked her if she wanted anything more. She said “icecream lime soda”. I chipped in, “it tastes horrible”. Madhu hated me for my intervention.

After siphoning off the last drop of icecream lime soda Keerty said “I want a cigarette”. He said, “You can have that later, now let’s finish the unfinished task of yours”. They left the restaurant around 9.00 and he led her to Joy Alukkas in Garuda Mall. Her heart was beating faster…it was all diamonds around. I remembered my colleague saying “Diamonds may be women’s best friends but they are men’s worst enemies”.

Raj suggested,“What about buying a nose ring, you had a nose ring in the FB pic. Why don’t we buy one now?” She corrected him “nose pin and not nose ring”. He said, “Oh ok. Can we look for one now?” She screamed, “Are u crazy? Do u know what it wud cost in a shop like this? Why wud u buy for a stranger”…Raj said “Look, look Keerty let me ask you, why did you say that you wanna burn my money when u donno me?” Keerty said “I just felt like, no reasons”. He said "If that’s the case is it impossible for me to feel like that too?” She scratched her head and said “we can buy other things…” He said “ya we will buy all what u want but now let’s buy what I want."

I remembered my loss. I had lost my nose stud two months back while cleaning my face but no one offers me to buy one and here is a dame for whom a guy wanna burn his money…I was envious but did not express so.

Raj wanted to give her the best gift and was searching for the best design. He chose one, and all that Keerty looked at was the price tag, Rs. 9,000, she shrieked as if she got an electric shock. Her nose pins never cost her more than 500 rupees. The next one he pointed at read Rs 12,000 now she almost choked. The lady in the showroom offered her soft drinks while drops of sweat shone like beads on her forehead.

I was all ears and sighed, “Wish I met such a guy”. Madhu too closed her eyes and exclaimed “Kash mujhhey bhi aisa ladka mil jaey!”. But Keerty had an uneasy feeling in her tummy. She could not hear anything after the purchase was made and she just sailed away with him from the shop.

I thought, "who would not feel like a queen, if given such a great treat. In my neighbourhood I have seen a woman, who has the structure of a skeleton, boobs almost invisible, a nose like a “borri” and a head full of envy and scanty curly hair and with a temperament of damsel in distress she had a top school passout so crazily craving for her that he bought her jewelry worth several laks and begged her hand for marriage and also funded part of the marriage expenses that her family was required to bear".

I cleared my throat of phlegm and started my lecture, "The world is a strange place, real life marriages and romances can actually demolish all that literature in the market claiming "Tips to hook that great guy" etc."

Madhu was not in a mood to listen to my dry piece of lecture and silenced me with her lung power, “Shut up” and with all amazement in her eyes, she coaxed Keerty to complete the story." Keerthy was so surprised with the gift that she could not walk. She sat down on the pavement. Bangalore has no such pavements, people ride their bikes on the pavements. There are long stretches of the footpaths that have been crushed by the bike riders the pavement has been levelled with the road. Madhu could not believe that Keerty could actually squat on the dust instead of jumping in joy into the air for receiving a diamond nose ring from the blue.

Madhu’s eyes stretched wide, her eye brows raised as if it would at any moment touch her hairline. She said “Keerty you are lucky" that the guy did not make any brazen proposal. But when we have proposed men, the response had been like, “I am interested in your body only.” Looking at me Madhu now asked for my support “Am I not correct?” To this statement of hers, I confirmed her and added “When a guy has no interest in a girl they say such things, perhaps an honest expression of driving the infatuated girl away (LOL).

Raj said "Do u think u are the only person who can do crazy things for no reason? I do share some of your elements too, now give me that smile of urs n bully me the way u did in the evening…" Keerty's bafflement lessened she asked him to take her on a drive. They drove in the road drenched in moonlight while listening to some of Bryan Adams, Hariprasad Chaurasia etc.

Both of them remained silent and sometime silence is eloquent. It was 12 pm and she realized he was driving her to her hostel. The silence was broken when he screeched his Ford Fiesta to a halt. He led open the door, held her hands while she stepped out of the car and took the diamond nose ring out of his pocket and placed it in her hands. When she ran upstairs into her room, he pulled open the door, switched on the music, took a sharp turn, and drove away.

Romancing with the Cities

The luxury bus seared through the highways in the pitch-dark night of wintry October. It was cold. I fell asleep against the windowpane and woke up to gaze at the starlit sky. The only music I heard was the humming engine. Far away a well-lit hill stood sillouetted against the vast expanse of darkness. As we came closer and closer to the hill we saw the fort of Jaisalmer. My heart leaped with excitement and I muttered ‘Sonar Kella’(the golden fort).

But my tryst with Jaisalmer had only been for a day. The opportunity came again but the meet-up with the city was in the stark daylight with the sun gazing with all vengeance upon the earth. But opportunities for romance surface again and again as the desire remains and seeks every opportunity to spring forth. The third opportunity came with the corporate citizens but with age catching up I din want to be smuggled into an overpacked Innova.

Being a metropolitan product, Bangalore held more attraction for me than Hyderabad. But it's difficult to let go old love, Hyderabad, rocky city, a rugged manly city in other words. Men and women from north, south, east and west flocked at Hyderabad Central University. Here men became bravadoes, while the scorching sun scrubbed the sheen off the women in Hyderabad but in the 2300 acre of green and concrete all passion were let loose. All caste, creed, religion, colour, and language clashed and clung.

Lifestyle changed with a jolt and all bottled passion poured out with the slightest pull. Vegetarians became non-vegetarians and vice versa, and Burqa wearers left their burqa aside and Gita readers read Koran, sambar tasted better than dal, older women paired with younger men. Universities are always like this – a site for freedom.

The trees swayed, the wind blew faster than usual, my dupatta never blew becoz I never wore one, but my hair made an impact - long, dark and wavy like the mallus. Jeeves loved my hair, my untamed hair, blowing with the wind when untied, but curling up when tied into a tight plait.

Over the years romance evolved, evaded and evaporated and I moved from Hyderabad to Bangalore, further away from home as a single woman. Valentine’s day is knocking and life has moved on without a Valentine.

Bangalore is more like the metrosexual - concrete structures and greenery resided in harmony. But I can’t feel the pulse of the city and said Adieu to this sweetheart and packed northwards ho!

The Dog

God knows from where a street dog has landed up in our hostel. The first time I have noticed his uninvited presence was in his stance of an escort as I looked for my autowala by standing at the end of the pavement. I would crane my neck, and goggle around to spot an auto some 25-30 metres away from my hostel. The doggie, we call him so because we donno his name, would come right in front of me and wag his tail vigorously and then try hard to make an eye contact with me. But the moment a bike vroomed by he would chase the bike no matter how far the bike is or in whatever direction the bike sped.

On one evening, when I was back from office, I was greeted by this doggie in his usual style - wagging his tail, sniffing and then circling - to my utter consternation. Though I was not very happy with a stray dog squatting in front of the door, my roomie, Divs was instantly in love with him.

Deep in my mind the fear was there - who knows how the stray dog would behave in other circumstances. Everyday, when I step out of the hostel, he comes behind me and waits there until I get into an auto. While I wait for my auto, he barks at bikeriders and I have fallen into the nagging habit of harangueing at him “what is your problem with the bike riders? Why do you have to bark at them? What are you waiting here for?” He stands there calmly, with his ears upright and his face directed towards my face, as if he says “I fairly understand your concern madam, after all I am a dog, and it’s manly to escort a woman” and having expressed this he would stretch his body and then jerk his neck like a man after his hair cut.

But the story could have been monotonous had he stuck to his usual ritual of escorting women. It is an era of media and the doggie seems to be in the mood of making the headlines, and he made news indeed by spreading terror in the hostel. He badly scratched Divs’ friend and we profusely criticised his biased attitude, his callousness in breaching trust. Divs and I vowed to see him away. I started with the rhetoric “humarei ma-baap humein ghar se dur bheje kutteyse katwaney ke liey kya?” …but no claps...the rhetoric became a dampener when the girls giggled. One of the girls ran to me and whispered into my ears “he barks at my college guys too…he does not allow them to come near the door (he he he he…). Recently he walked into Nilgiris with me, everbody was so shocked..."

When I complained to the landlord about the doggie’s ferocity, he brushed aside my remarks stating “He is the don in this area…” I realized the complainants are a minority here, so I fell upon brooding for the rest of the evening groping for a solution.

The landlord had sound reason not to drive away the dog because recently the motor was stolen and with the barking hound harking around, he feels his new motor would be safe.

Once Divs entered the room, I started narrating my analysis of the event…I am sure the guy is a bike rider coz the doggie only chases bike riders and we gotta tell Shama that she better tell her guy to park his bike somewhere far from the hostel and walk with her down to hostel to avoid attacks in future.

One evening the doggie squatted before the main door and I had difficulty opening the door as he was not moving away from the door. Besides I was not brave enough to shoo the canine away. I stretched out my arms to insert the key in the keyhole over his lazy body and like a lightning it struck my mind that he does not bark at the sardarji who is sitting otside on the bike. He too comes on a bike and stands there at the door for hours for the upstair girl…Now I see how the doggie selectively behaves as a moral guardian…Ahem!